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I would suck a stranger’s toes, but I wouldn’t suck my girlfriend’s toes

~ Mitchell, On thing you would do to a stranger but not your girlfriend

Wait, what is MD in the A? Like…. massive dick?

~ Mitchell, While Ryan was talking about people taking MDA at EDM raves

Fauna’s strongest sapling ain’t feeling too hot this morning 🤢

~ Mitchell, hungover

We hate them Japs

~ Mitchell, revealing his inner Chinese

Is that sui as in suipiss?

~ Mitchell

I am not the most cultured sapling in the garden.

~ Mitchell

Do you think cocaine would cure my back?

~ Mitchell

Hannah: What language are you writing in? Robert: Mine. Shaponics. Mitchell: You should’ve called it Robertism. Ruben: That’s his religion. Mitchell: Oh, right.

~ Hannah, Robert, Mitchell, Ruben

If I marry a half Asian my kid will be a double Asian

~ Mitchell

I wouldn't say I'm behind, I just haven't started

~ Mitchell, on his ECEN course

Sir j seniufhh and Ir fine

~ Mitchell, meaning to say "Drink enough and you’re fine"

It’s like I’m going to the bathroom, except it’s for the rest of the night.

~ Mitchell, on letting us stay at his house even though he won’t be there.

Mitchell: I totally just fisted you Hannah: yeah, you did!

~ Hannah, Mitchell, after Mitchell smashed

Nicko, if you dyed your hair blue, would it come out purple because your hair is already red? *Nicko silently walks over to Mitchell and they start fighting* Dr. Mendoza!! He's hurting me!!

~ Mitchell

Hannah: How do I know you're not a woman, Mitchell? Jeff: Because he chooses to be a man. Mitchell: Would you like to find out?

~ Mitchell, Jeff, Hannah

No homo

~ Mitchell, applying to all current or future quotes

Here. A nipple.

~ Mitchell, *plops a silicone nipple on Hannah's computer*

"i'm like ant man, i shrink problems"

~ Mitchell, on coding style

I feel like the family dog.

~ Mitchell

It's just that the circle doesn't fit in the circle