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I don't think it's gonna bleed, Robert.

~ Michael, on the baby that can shovel shit water

Dear Mr. Richard, We want to farm crab kani in your lagoon.

~ Michael

I dream about it being rubbing day and once a week it comes true

~ Michael

He's the only Pitbull that doesn't maul children

~ Michael, on Mr. Worldwide

You know what I think is adorable? A deer wearing an Apple tshirt from the 80's with a big ol' ass and belly.

~ Michael

Robert. Stop fantasizing about literally the worst combat ever to grace this earth.

~ Michael, interrupting Robert's thousand yard stare

Robert: Hmm, let's see... are there any Finnish restaurants in Seattle? Michael: I hope not, they only eat snow and twigs.

~ Robert, Michael

So here's what you're gonna do: You're gonna bring a bag of rice and make a point of letting the ticket guy see it. As we're leaving the movie, you're going to take out a second bag of cooked rice and say "Man! That was a great rice cooker!"

~ Michael, on Oppenheimer cosplay

They have to make TRON 3 before Olivia Wilde gets too old.

~ Michael

God, I’m gonna be so racist tonight.

~ Michael, about VR Chat

I haven't had bok-a-bok in a couple years :(

~ Michael, feeling sorry for himself

Sarah, you're looking like a snack. Not me, though. I'm looking inedible.

~ Michael, while cooking lasagna

Michael: You don’t want your usual Mango? Rachel: No, I’ve decided to channel the spirit of Robert Dominguez tonight. Sarah: I think I’ll channel the spirit of Hunter and get a Jagerita.

~ Michael, Rachel, Sarah, at El Mirasol ordering Margaritas

I just got a two minute, graphic advertisement for vacuum poop removal. It's called emma relief.

~ Michael

Robert: You know how Valve has that one logo of the guy with the twisty-turny thing on his head? Michael: You mean a valve?

~ Robert, Michael

We don't need a fancy hiring portal. We just need a Google Form that asks: 1. Name 2. Résumé 3. Do your farts smell like chili? 4. Are you Chinese?

~ Michael

We’re gonna need a hell of an accountant to justify a fully functional tank as a business expense

~ Michael

We're gonna get sued by a bunch of loli-lovers

~ Michael, on the formation of Monogatari Ltd.

Robert: I can't find any photos of a lifted LX470 with a light bar... I guess light bars are kinda tacky. Michael: Oh and a Towa-wrapped LX470 wouldn't be?

~ Robert, Michael

I want emma to utter a little cry for my birthday

~ Michael, on The Passions of Emma by Penelope Williamson

C'mon, Robert. We gotta get shafted by the Rhinos.

~ Michael, tryna play Fall Guys

Michael: Robert’s roommate at Aspire had a dog. Robert: He originally wanted a piranha tank. Michael: Was he going to beat the piranhas?

~ Michael, Robert, remembering the screams echoing through the halls

Michael: Alright, it's time to talk to Chinese girls.

~ Michael

I don't think I'll ever love vore as much as I love rubbing day.

~ Michael

Hunter: She's fine as hell, that's all that matters. Michael: Does she piss like a racehorse? Hunter: I'd hope so. Michael: "Does she fart like a freight train?", as Anthony would say. Hunter: I don't want to hear anything Anthony has to say. Michael: Anthony used to say "I just shat like a Christmas goose".

~ Hunter, Michael

pregumin breaking water rule34 sorry wrong chat

~ Michael

I think that movie took a year off my life

~ Michael, on Whiplash

Michael: Why are you wearing a fishing shirt? William: *defensively* My sister asked me that exact same question. What makes you think this is a fishing shirt? Michael: The "Columbia Pro Fishing Gear (PFG)" logo on the front. William: Oh, is that what PFG stands for?

~ Michael, William, Gate A12 at SAT

Imma say “kino” to fit in

~ Michael, on /vt/craft

Lee: who is Emma Brown Robert: A fertile goddess Benton: no please Michael: the love of my life Jade: a goddess Rachel: pungent and fertile Lee: rachel i miss u. i wish i could talk to my bestie aka u Rachel: im sorry bb im gambling rn

~ Lee, Robert, Benton, Michael, Jade, Rachel

Benton: Disney be like "Tatami Galaxy 2: Akashi graduates and moves from Japan to Williamsburg NY to open a feminist improv bar and discover her sexuality, while she's got some lessons to learn from her friend Lydia, a body positive obese refugee from Afganistan. A slice of life classic Japanese story coming June 2022" The first episode is just them getting the vaccine and purchasing a new iMac with Kamala Harris. Michael: GET THE JAB, SHINJI

~ Benton, Michael

I'm Korean, I eat fried dog

~ Michael, on Kronii

I want to drink aqua diharreah

~ Michael

*Sees dog* Robert: Meow Michael: Looks just like Angel Robert: Looks just like what I had at Chinese last night Michael: We had Thai.

~ Robert, Michael

Anthony: Robert we’re watching videos of people lighting farts on fire! Michael: YOU’RE watching!