James: Alright, I ordered the breakfast of champions: a pretzel and a pazookie. Robert: Does he mean a paizuri? Matt: I think that's what he means, yeah.

James: Is there something wrong with Haitian witch doctor rap? Matt: Is there something wrong with Haitian pu**y?

Ethan told me he's like Kim Jong Un - he doesn't shit.

Matt 1: Alright, let's focus on what's important. Matt 2: What's that? Matt 1: Making Osaias lose twice.

Robert: Matt are you here? Matt: *unmutes* What? Robert: Matt, I want to be with you. In the Biblical sense. And yet, I feel like you're not even here. Matt: Robert, I want to be more than that with you. Robert: The Mormon sense? Matt: More than that. Robert: ... Matt: Have you heard of cumflation? *shared laughter* Robert: No, what's that?

Matt: Nice job guys. Imma suck all your dicks. Kaleb: Right now? Matt: Once the war's over.

Kaleb, if I could change my skin color for you— I would.

Matt: Lemme tell you, my pussy's torn to shreds. Robert: You ever seen an Arby's steamrolled by an F-150?

Kaleb: Alright I'll get my team to surrender and then we can play a game. Kaleb: Guys I'm so sorry but my girlfriend just got into a car accident and may have died - I need to go. Can y'all surrender so I don't get afk ban? Matt: They're probably thinking "this guy's girlfriend just got in a car accident and he's worried about an afk ban"

I always thought we looked a little goat-like

Hagee was a cumsuckle

Benton: Royale High makes more money than adopt me... Matt: That's not possible. Adopt me has more peak players than cs:go, and has partnerships with Warner Brothers.