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Okay, think like James... So if I was a fucking idiot-

~ Kaleb

How is that possible? He’s gay, how does he have a mom?

~ Kaleb

We could add a dead, bald corpse with cum all over it.

~ Kaleb, on zm_sacs

You have to be careful when you leave the parking lot tonight. It’s dark now, which means you can’t see the black people.

~ Kaleb

Just fuck a rat and see what happens.

~ Kaleb, on owning exotic animals

I'm surprised they could even see us with their little squinty eyes.

~ Kaleb, losing in overtime

He got bukkake’d

~ Kaleb, flipping through the SACS yearbook

I thought I could feel something kick in her stomach when I punched her this morning.

~ Kaleb, on Meaghan

They like to be called nugget warriors now, it's the politically correct term.

~ Kaleb, on quadruple paraplegics

Let's play a little game. It's called "hide the pickle in the bitch's mouth"

~ Kaleb

Kaleb: Don't put words in my mouth, James. James: There's a lot more I wanna put in your mouth.

~ Kaleb, James

Pinche Salamanca

~ Kaleb, self-diagnosing himself with autism

Yellow people remind me of butter

~ Kaleb

Robert, if you were black... did you know we couldn't be together?

~ Kaleb

Eight minutes into the year and I've already beat my wife.

~ Kaleb

I've never been good at word searches, so as a kid I always just planned on marrying a Muslim girl with her clitoris cut off.

~ Kaleb

Matt: Nice job guys. Imma suck all your dicks. Kaleb: Right now? Matt: Once the war's over.

~ Matt, Kaleb, playing War Thunder

So the other day me and my foster parents were totally smashing...

~ Kaleb

Ben: Kaleb, are you pretty bummed about the queen? Kaleb: Honestly I had a good wank or two 'bout it, I'm over it now.

~ Ben, Kaleb

Kaleb: I’m rubbing my pussy juice on you. Griffin: Dude stop rubbing your precum on him.

~ Kaleb, Griffin

Robert: Why are you holding your nipples? Kaleb: He knows it turns me on.

~ Robert, Kaleb, on Griffin holding his nipples

Ben has a Welsh friend. Jessica Welch.

~ Kaleb

Ethan: Does anyone know the reason as to why balls itch? Kaleb: Because the Queen of England wasn't baptised as a child.

~ Ethan, Kaleb

Robert: What shall we toast to? Kaleb: To anal sex. Robert: To anal sex.

~ Robert, Kaleb

Urethral forgiveness - learn it.

~ Kaleb

Kaleb: Robert, what are you doing right now? Robert: I'm strategically selecting the words these girls are saying to each other to maximize the likelihood of them having sex with each other.

~ Kaleb, Robert

Have you ever felt uncomfortably aroused by your own father?

~ Kaleb

Kaleb: Alright I'll get my team to surrender and then we can play a game. Kaleb: Guys I'm so sorry but my girlfriend just got into a car accident and may have died - I need to go. Can y'all surrender so I don't get afk ban? Matt: They're probably thinking "this guy's girlfriend just got in a car accident and he's worried about an afk ban"

~ Kaleb, Matt

My doctors said no one with an anus this wide can be straight

~ Kaleb

I had the honor of having Mrs. Walkden shove a king size charleston chew up my ass

~ Kaleb

Ben: y’all are just jealous I have a niece. Kaleb: I thought they were raising her gender neutral