No fucking way How is he still alive

Ethan: Robert, do you like crack? Robert: I like crack whores. Ethan: What's your favorite part about crack whores? Robert: Probably the community around them.

Guarantee that guy got fucked in the ass as a kid.

Robert: There was a tranny that died recently. Ethan: Who cares?

(in Southern accent) Pigmentation is the devil!

Robert: Do I want a Lassi? Hmm... Ethan: Lassie? You're having dog? Robert: Mango Lassi... Ethan: You're having Chinese food?

Sounds like they think you’re a cow

Ethan: Is she married yet? James: Married to… World of Warcraft.

Ethan: Kaleb you don't know know shit about dick Robert: If there's one thing Kaleb knows, it's dick.

Robert: Ethan are you trying to groom me? Ethan: I've been trying to groom you since elementary school.

Ethan: Does anyone know the reason as to why balls itch? Kaleb: Because the Queen of England wasn't baptised as a child.

Ethan: Robert you know why nobody likes you? Ben: I like Robert. Ethan: Robert, you know why nobody who matters likes you? Robert: Is it because Ben likes me? Ethan: Yeah...

He had multiple colon surgeries from all the Bill Miller's he ate

I hear Allison had mad bush

I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. I just make them up and tell you.

Robert: Looks like there was a shooting in Austin. Ethan: What color was the shooter? Robert: Black. Ethan: Oh, don't worry about it then. It'll go away and nobody will care in a couple days.

my parents work all the time, come home, watch fox news, and then go to bed

Ethan: Have you guys ever touched a WAP before? Ben: n-no... what's that? Ethan: A wooden airplane. Ben: oh, no.

Robert: Why do I need to know "incur"? When's an anime girl gonna say "incur"?! Ethan: She's gonna say it right before she fucks you. Robert: "You will incur my fuck"