I’m not even being racist… LOOK AT MY NOSE.

James: The doctors were like "it's gonna feel like you're pissing, but don't worry - you're not". Ben: I would kill for that

It's... como se dice... "poop".

Ben: Kaleb, are you pretty bummed about the queen? Kaleb: Honestly I had a good wank or two 'bout it, I'm over it now.

Ben: Dr. Gu is making us all introduce ourselves. Why? Nicko: because some poor bastards havent thought to meet anyone in college yet

Ben: Someday I want to touch a female. Robert: Mrs. Quinones? Ben: I said I want to touch a FEMALE.

Ethan: Robert you know why nobody likes you? Ben: I like Robert. Ethan: Robert, you know why nobody who matters likes you? Robert: Is it because Ben likes me? Ethan: Yeah...

Ethan: Have you guys ever touched a WAP before? Ben: n-no... what's that? Ethan: A wooden airplane. Ben: oh, no.

Even my man nipple couldn't take that

Ben: y’all are just jealous I have a niece. Kaleb: I thought they were raising her gender neutral

Ben: Does anyone think it's interesting all the space Allison takes up in James' head? Nick: I didn't want to say this, but... it's because she gave him an STD.

We will just have to see what happens after I graduate from college, what the future holds

I hit my keyboard while scratching my balls

I don't wanna poke a hole in my penis

I gurgle spit

Love does crazy things, what have I become?

Pooping is a big part of my life

It’s like a reverse hickey.

My dick is small but my spirit is big

Vegetables are gross

I never took fireball to class. I took it in the car, chugged it in the parking lot, and then walked to class.

Just give me a butt funnel